Things have been weird lately; it took me 6 deadly months to feel alive again…
What a freakin ride it is, isn’t it? These past few months were extremely stressful, as if this past year wasn’t enough for me. I have been struggling to sit down and write in here for the past 8 months, and it’s still challenging to find the words and deciding to open up about everything.
So let’s get into it, shall we?
I’m starting by going back 2 years, Summer of 2018. I signed a record deal with, what I thought at the time was, a legitimate record label. I got super excited about it as we had tracked an album, did some shows in New York City, and everything seemed to go precisely as I would imagine it.
But it wasn’t; at all. I learned that these guys basically used my name for the sole purpose of destroying it. I fell to a trap that I’m still sturggeling climbing back up. I’m talking legal stuff, copyrights, ton of money, and most importantly, mental health damages.
They got me an album, yes, but they haven’t paid for it. I found myself trying to maneuver between doing the right thing for my colleagues and to protect my own sanity and well-being. These people used my name to sign company papers through a UK-based music service, accept mail on my behalf, and booking gigs all over the place without me knowing what’s happening. It was extremely passive-aggressive; they bought me and my bandmates new gear, but didn’t pay for studio time - I came to learn; they wanted me to succeed but didn’t book a real tour; they promised to make it right, but I kept getting information from new and old colleagues that something fishy is going on.
It was all happening whilst I am in a mindset of another legal battle to protect my identity, as I’ve learned that somebody was using my Social Security Number and my name to open bank accounts, car loans, and credit cards accounts in states I have never been; and in the background, sort of, I was battling with one of the biggest rental companies in New Jersey trying to keep a roof above my family’s head, because they decided that we need to pay tens of thousands of dollars upfront to keep living in our apartment (in which we have lived in for already 2.5 years at that time).
Sounds fun, isn’t it? That’s not all. Add March 2020 to the equation; COVID-19 hits just when I thought that I’m already at rock bottom. Everything shut down within a day; no more venues, music studios, productions halted, and whatnot. I tried to write new material but it was too damn hard.
In the back of my head, I had this thought that I can’t move forward with clearing my name after all this mess because courts are closed, government agencies that work along on my case(s) are closed, or prioritizes more important manners; at the bottom line - I gave up and decided to try and start clearing my name by letting this story out to the world.
Things are getting better now; I have taken some steps to protect myself and trying to make amends with my colleagues, work on my numerous relationships that got hit as part of this rollercoaster ride, and fix whatever I can by myself. At the end, I must be in control, and I barely trust others to do the job for me.
If I have learned something from this “experience” is to read contracts, make sure you deep-research the people you are doing business with, protect your name at all costs, and eventually, believe that everything is fixable.
If anybody that got hurt from these actions that were taken is reading this, I deeply apologize; I also want to apologize to all my fans and followers that had to send many messages inquiring about my well-being and my music.
COVID-19 did me good, and had me organize my life again; it let me focus on what’s really important and not on the surrounding white noise.
Lastly, I’ve learned that it’s on me to take control of my life, as it takes one to make a change...
I appreciate you all, and I’m here for you; now and forever.
Love,
S.
